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1 - 28 - 02

22:07

*sighs* I'm depressed on the full moon. This does not bode well for me. The full moon, to me, stands for possibilities. When it's up there, perfect and shining, I feel that possibilities are endless. I was on the roof of the fine arts building staring at it for a good while - it was so beautiful I almost began to cry.

I really need to snuggle up with someone right now, but it doesn't look like it's in the cards. I glimpsed Pam today and hugged her - it might as well not have happened at all considering all the good it did me. In fact, now that I look back on it, it's actually making me feel worse that I only got a hug in passing from someone who I'm trying to have a relationship with. Everyone else who I could possibly snuggle with aren't available either - Lydia and Elizabeth aren't in good moods, Mary's busy, et cetera. I've been spoiled with cuddles at just about every time except for when I need it.

I'm having self-esteem issues at the moment. Part of it is the moon. It inspired me to the point of depression because I know that anything I wrote would fail horribly to show what I felt and thought tonight. Part of it is the feeling of worthlessness I have that I can't even get a good five minute snuggle from anyone. Part of it is the fact that everyone else around me is having everything fall into place for them. These feelings happen pretty periodically, and I'm pretty happy go lucky at any other time, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm really not happy right now.

I'll probably be fine in the morning. Things'll start to look up, someone will just come up to me out of the blue and hug me for no real reason, I'll find a dollar, or something like that. Life has a way for working out okay for me in the end.

God, I still feel like crap, despite my optimistic outlook.

Slainte.

John-Boy

01 - 29 - 02

I was right. I woke up this morning feeling great. Now, I've got a cramp in my leg that's kind of dampening my mood, but it's not too terrible.

Slainte!

John-Boy