Today's been bloody wonderful. More fun than being slowly lowered into a barrel of agonizing death. Barely. The two high parts of my entire day - taping the reading of a story that I really like for a favor to a friend and finding my TMBG CD. The rest of the day has me on the verge of tears. Oh how the mighty have fallen. Where's your protective apathy now, John-Boy? Being perverted into a cynical and hating shell of its formerly useful self. Dammit, I hate it when this stuff happens. I've been busy lately and have therefore been unable to do everything I was supposed to. I couldn't get my physics paper done, which is no big deal except it's for the group. Woody finished it up during First, though, thank God. But, as it is, I'm getting closer and closer to snapping and beating the living shit out of the assholes in there. I'm not saying this as hyperbole; my jaw and fists are almost constantly clenching and unclenching in there. Also, I didn't manage to get the house cleaned enough yesterday. So Mom decreed that it was officially impossible for me to be able to clean in the hour and a half I had between school and D&D. So, I've had no chance whatsoever to let these negative feelings out through roleplay. Oh fun. Today was Part I of the auditions for the musical. I was up first. Hubris has laid me low, for I not only sucked, I sucked twice. I had to restart while I was up there, gave it nowhere near the emotion I normally do, and left a chunk out. I made a fool of myself while actually having the intentions of going up there and kicking ass. The one thing I excel at and receive compliments on almost every time I do it, and I make it so totally fubar. Everything I've eaten today is sitting like lead inside my stomach, giving me indigestion and a general discomfort. Dammit. It's times like this that make me wish I had one of just about any of my netbuddies as a housemate. I need a hug. I need someone I can just sit with and cry on. I'm considering skipping school tomorrow to pull myself together. It's been a long time since I've cried. I'm ashamed it's over something so trivial as just a bad day. May you have the peace of mind that I lack. John
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