"Most men are of naught more use in their lives but as machines for turning food into shit." - Leonardo da Vinci. I don't feel useless anymore. "John-Boy, do you have a weakness?" Yes. I have several. And I can't pinpoint a few of them. I'm worried about one of my friends. It seems like she's letting her emotions get the better of herself and it's just eating away at her. I keep getting the feeling that I may get online sometime and someone will send me a paniced message saying that she hurt herself or did something rash. I pray to God that this is just paranoia instead of premonition. I'm worried about another of my friends. She's depressed and pleading for help, but her own mother won't listen to her. And her boyfriend thinks she just needs to "cheer up." She told them she thinks that if she's left at home all day by herself, she may do something to harm herself and believes she should be placed in a safer environment. Damn! I can't remember what her mom said about it, but she rejected it for some reason. I'm getting moody. Is it seasonal depression? Mayhaps. Mayhaps not. A few hours ago I was practically bouncing off the walls and was in such a good mood. Now I feel like nothing would be better in the world than to just go lie in my bed and cry. I don't know why. Assholes surround me at school. Hell, their stupidity is reminding me of middle school, when they tried to bait me by making fun of me while I read. What is it about a guy enjoying a book that makes him a target for the jackasses of the world? Yet, so far, I've been ignoring them. Show weakness and the jackals strike. Show strength and not even impossible odds can bring you down. My first two paragraphs of problems made me think of something. "Your faith in your friends is your weakness, young Skywalker." "Your overconfidence is your's." Hell, I don't care if I even got those quotes right. But it pretty much describes me right now. I don't care how well I keep my composure or hide it, I cry for my friends one way or another. I know they'd do the same thing for me. And, yes, I am overconfident. I've made a fool of myself many a time due to that. Do I care? No. Yes. Both. Slainte Mhath and Pax Vobiscum. John-Boy
|
