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You ever have a friend who your parents absolutely hated? Well, the one I have is my best friend. She and my other best friend are the only two people I always feel that I can talk to, dump my feelings and problems on them, and get away without being judged. Until recently I had another best friend, but when someone you think cares about you doesn't return your calls and makes no attempt to contact you in the past two months she's been in the area, you kind of get the feeling that they don't really like you that much anymore. (Aye, Camille, if you're ever reading this, it's you I'm talking about. Sorry if it seems harsh, but that's my honest to God feeling, and I refuse to edit that.)

My two friends are pretty much all I have in this world now, outside of the net. Sure, I have band and show choir, but I'm the type of person who can be as enjoyable to be around as anyone, but who'll never get approached to talk about anything, never get invited to parties, and never be seen as anything but "a good friend," "brotherly," and even "paternal" once. It's my lot in life and I've come to accept that. I don't live in a social blackhole, but waiting for someone to call me would take a pretty damn long time.

I'm bitching, I know, so I'll stop. The heat of the moment is off, but I'm still going to talk to my mom and convince her to let me spend time with my friends. Wish me luck.

"May your dreams be as sweet as illusion, and may you awake to their realities."

PS - This really doesn't help that all of this is happening on the one year anniversary of TJ Pridemore's death. TJ had just graduated and was killed in a car accident. I didn't know him that well, but there were several times that he extended the hand of kindness towards me. He was a good guy and it's a damn shame he died so early.