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Lately I've been keeping a notebook in my back pocket for any purposes that I see fit. At times I just sit down and write down my thoughts. Here's something from tonight.

5-9-02

0:06

Bathroom outside Main theater

Sometimes I wonder

1) What would I be like drunk? Would I be a happy drunk? Quiet? Sad? Touchy feely? The one who you don't notice is drunk?

2) Why do I feel so inadequate (incomplete may be a better word) without having someone to cuddle with? Is it because I need physical reminders to know that I'm loved? Is it because the media has programmed me into thinking that without constants flings and casual sex I'm not worthy of being a college-aged individual?

3) Do those who I think like me actually like me or do they merely tolerate me as The Big Fuzzy Man who gives good massages and is always willing to listen to other people's problems?

4) Why do I have this need to be reminded often that yes, I am liked? Why can't I take others' actions as proof that they enjoy my company?

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Sometimes I think I think too much about the wrong things.

Slainte!

John-Boy